we do this to ourselves June 03, 2008

I have always heard that god works in mysterious ways. My life experiences have certainly validated this. So why am I still fearful of life and what is going to happen next? Its so easy to forget all the good that has come from loosing things , people, and places we are attached to. Its so easy to forget how miserable just a year ago was when we had nothing and on top of having nothing we had no one but now seems more unbearable because now is. Its so easy to forget how strong we have been in all situations and how we were able to just pick up everything when it had all fallen. Its so easy to just want to stay depressed and think life as hopeless and wonder how many Tylenol Pm's it would take to kill ourselves. Its so easy to feel like the universe and everyone in it and everyone you have loved or ever will love and everyone that has loved you will now in this moment turn their backs on you if only to just feel alive in kicking you when you are already down. Its so easy to reject any glimmer of goodness that may be trying to turn things around for you. Its so easy to close yourself off to the miracles that are waiting patiently next to you. Its so easy to just cry for no reason and hate everyone for not being more attentive. Its so hard to tell your mind to shut the fuck up and just let life be born through you and go with the flow because god always works in mysterious ways.